I want to tell you the story of my client George, who turned his life around by answering my simple, 6-word question: “When will you stop being nice?”

George (not the real name) was always the nicest person you could ever meet. He never said “no” to anyone. If someone asked for help, he would drop everything and say yes, even when he was tired. He’d lend his stuff, do favours, and always be there when people needed him.

At first, being nice made him feel good.

He thought it was the right thing to do.

And he also felt useful, appreciated, and validated.

But over time, George started to feel something was fundamentally wrong. He was always busy doing things for others and had no time for himself. He felt like everyone expected him to be available all the time, and no one seemed to care how he felt. Slowly, he became frustrated, overwhelmed, and even sad.

But he kept being nice and saying yes, hoping things would change.

One Sunday morning, George woke up and looked around. His phone had four new messages from people asking for help – but none of them ever asked how he was doing. His home was messy because he hadn’t had time to clean it. His mind felt the same—cluttered and chaotic. He then realized he was surrounded by people who didn’t really care about him, just what he could do for them.

And in that very moment, George felt lonelier than ever. It hit him: he had abandoned himself.

He had spent so much time making others happy that he forgot how to make himself happy.

George took care of others for so long that he forgot to take care of himself.

Feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, George decided it was time for a change. He sat on his bed and took a deep breath. He realized enough was enough.

He made a promise to himself to change something – but he didn’t know where to start. He was afraid to upset the people around him. He was scared he would push people away and end up not only lonely, but also alone.

So he reached out for support and found me through a mutual friend.

During our first coaching conversation, I asked him:

“When will you stop being nice?”

George didn’t answer the question. Instead, he started crying. I knew that crying was just a sign that his repressed and suppressed emotions needed to find their way out. And that his body and his mind were getting ready to let the past go.

Gently, as he calmed down, we went through what saying yes meant to him. We discovered together that he felt valued only when he did favours to others but he completely neglected himself. He felt seen when others reached out for support – failing to understand that without healthy boundaries in place, being nice to others could easily turn into self-neglect.

We worked together on “how to change”. George was not expecting different results overnight, but he firmly believed that he needed to do things differently.

He started saying no – at first, it felt strange and some people got upset, but George stuck to it. He realized that if people couldn’t respect his boundaries, maybe they didn’t deserve to be in his life.

As time went on, George learned that it was okay to put himself first. He felt happier and more at ease. He discovered that true friends respected his choices and understood when he couldn’t always help them.

I coached George to carve out more time for himself. He started doing things he loved again – like reading, going for long walks, and spending time with the people who truly cared about him. He felt lighter, stronger and more in control.

In a few weeks, George finally found balance, and he knew he would never go back to the way things were. He had learned that being nice didn’t mean letting people walk all over him – it meant being nice to himself, too.

*** If you are like George and you need support to stop being nice, send me a message.