Do you know that feeling of overwhelm when you have to deal with a complex problem? A situation so complicated that it’s tough for you to even comprehend it, let alone solve it? The frustration, the overwhelm and the stress are real – I understand!
In such cases, it’s ideal to have someone to talk to. Explain the situation, blurt your feelings out, then work your way towards a solution.
But oftentimes, you don’t have someone to talk to. And when you don’t, it’s very tempting to let overwhelm take over. You go in circles and the more you stress, the more difficult it is to shift your attention to finding a way out. All the while, your personal relationships or your reputation at work may suffer.
I’ve been there before. A complex problem with lots of implications would make my head spin and my heart race. Having to decide, but feeling overwhelmed and not knowing what to do. Especially difficult when I couldn’t postpone the decision. Or talk to someone I trusted that would listen and understand.
And then, I realized that talking about my problem didn’t need the other person to be present. I could very well coach myself out of the problem by using my imagination to clarify the next steps. Because the mind can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality.
So instead of panicking, I recommend you do this:
- Take your phone (yes, this time around, I encourage you to use technology to relieve the stress)
- Go to Whatsapp and start a new chat with yourself (you didn’t know you could write notes to self? now you know!). If you don’t use Whatsapp, go to any other app on your phone that allows you to record a voice message.
- Think of a person you trust that would understand your problem. It can be a friend, your significant other, your mentor, a work colleague you trust.
- Record a voice message, explaining the problem to the trusted person. Here are some questions to answer in your explanation:
- what’s the problem?
- why does it matter?
- how does the problem make you feel?
- what happens if you don’t solve it?
- what are some possible solutions?
- what is your favorite solution?
- what are the arguments in favor and against your favorite solution?
- which is the fastest way to solve the problem?
- who can help you solve the problem?
- what’s the immediate next step you can take?
- how does the immediate next step make you feel?
Look, I won’t deny it, I know how crazy this sounds. Talking to yourself and imagining you’re talking to someone else? Crazy indeed. But before you discount this simple and effective trick, remember it helps you to:
- release pent-up emotions
- see the situation more clearly
- look at the problem in a different way
- brainstorm new options or solutions to solve it
- understand you’re not alone (you can ask for help!)
So in reality, your brain and body get a lot out of talking. When you feel intense emotions like fear or anxiety, your brain needs to:
– figure out if something is a threat,
– find a response and also
– store the information so you can recognize the threat later.
The amygdala is that part of your brain handling the response. Research from U.C.L.A. suggests that “affect labeling” – the process of putting your emotions in words – can reduce the amygdala response. So the simple act of talking about your emotions can help you regulate them faster.
My coaching clients love this trick and use it often. Some of them even say recording voice notes to self is a great alternative to journaling. It may feel uncomfortable doing it the first few times, but I am confident you’ll find it useful too.
